MaryAlice Musings and More

Death Comes in the Morning

2011-10-24T07:15:00.004-05:00

I am back home, and feeling a pull as the days get shorter, and light gets less to share again on my blog. I have been in Baltimore for the week, and then out to Rehoboth Beach with my BFF Lonnie. The work time and the play time was deeply nourishing and heartful. At the same time within three days two women who were so very inspiring to me, left this world. Both on their own terms and surrounded by those they most loved.

Susan M. Daniels, told me in 1997 as the Assistant Commissioner at SSA that she would get me the SSA data that I needed for my research demonstration, I am still waiting. What she did give me was permission to be passionate about work, to say out loud living on SSI is living in poverty, and poverty can be more disabling than any impairment, she was gut checking honest, and her laughter reflected how much she never lost touch of the amazing wonders of life! The angelic chorus is more complete with her expression now.

Barb Burdulis, one of a handful of lesbians who had their hair cut by BFF Lonnie Weiss, and who resided at Grace Harbor, a wonderful lesbian occupied home that provided a beacon for many of us. Barb had the bluest eyes, the most captivating smile, and the biggest heart that I had ever met. She walked quietly on the earth, deeply spiritual, wonderfully present, almost elfish at times. She leaves this world with a missing kind of grace, and it is a comfort to know that she is back with those kindred spirits that were reflected in her life.

These losses only accentuate the absolute preciousness of life. I am so glad that I was with the snow geese, hearing the ocean waves, smelling the sea as I said my goodbyes, felt the pain, smiled with the memories.

Outside the leaves are falling, some trees bare, some holding tightly and fully clothed in the fall texture of the leaves. The sky is lit. The crescent moon glowing beautifully in the morning dawn. The cycles continue. My heart if full.

A very long week

2011-07-09T12:03:00.002-05:00

Carefree, cautious, cranky. Along with craziness, celebrations and cannonarchy. Cannonarchy is a government by superior firepower or by cannons. I am tired of the superior firepower of the GOP, and equally distraught by the firing of cannons all around throwing blame and attacking each other rather than agreeing that solutions will come in multiple ways, and that the mighty right might not get us where we need to go. Politics is the monkey on your back, in your head, scurrying around in your stomach when you begin to meditate. It is like the buzzing mosquito at nightfall, and the fly that is stuck in bedroom just as you fall asleep. There seems to be no good political news in the U.S.A. I can step out of it, breathe, and find another way for awhile, and then I am back in the angst. calculating change in pay check, when I get my first unemployment check, understanding that I am not the "worst off" and yet knowing my situation is greatly affected by the shut down of state government. I like to go to work. I enjoy vacations. I have one scheduled for next Saturday with my family. This is not a vacation that I am on right now, and not sure the consequences of going on my vacation one week from today! Ugh. Send good thoughts. Breathe through feet. Say a healing prayer. Practice being present, breathe. Oh and could thre be some solutions and reopen state government and all that it means for everyone in this state?

Long long silence

2011-07-05T09:56:00.002-05:00

Well, last time I posted it was May and I was lamenting about the number of snow days we were having. Now it is July and I am counting the number of days of shut-down of the state. Good news it is 10 a.m. on a Tuesday and I am sipping tea, listening to the radio and blogging away!!!!! I can almost feel the stress slipping out of my pores. I am breathing more deeply, remembering to feel my breath, and slowing down. Daily lessons of presence and letting go. Enough said. Breathe.

How many days in May will it snow?

2011-05-02T08:00:00.002-05:00

So far, two! Not sure it is done, but I remain hopeful. I have just come in from walking the dogs, in a heavy coat, a felt hat, and cotton gloves. True I am not wearing my winter coat, or my lined gloves, or a wool muffler. But I could. My feet are cold, the sun in absent, and my hot tea tastes great. I just finished the cruelest April I can remember in a long time, don't make May be cruel. It is all in how you view it? I am working on a attitude adjustment, some sunshine, and a rise in the temperature.

Still on Strike

2011-04-30T09:58:00.002-05:00

Have not had such a rocky spring in a long time. I used to say that spring was my worst season - so desperate for warmth, green, buds. Then I leaned into spring in a different way and quit dissing it. My patience is up, I am tired of reading about how this is a "normal" spring. I want the winds and gray and cold to stop. I want the sun to win. I am going off the theater. Arsenic and old lace, is it warm there?

Postponing Blogging Due to the Backlog of Spring

2011-04-20T07:56:00.002-05:00

I am waiting for my picture to get to my email, so I can download the beautifully amazing snow that is on the ground, the trees, and shrubs. It is thick melts in your hand, is sticking on the tops of all the utility wires, it is snow. It is snowing, Oh spring, oh spring what are you thinking? Oh sun, oh sun where is your warmth? I have been at Seder's on Day 1 and Day 2 of Passover. I have listened and shared in the telling of the story. I know that this is holy week, and the latest Easter in a very long time. It could be March, it is that cold, and it is snowing. It is snowing beautiful snow.

sifting, sorting, spring

2011-04-12T05:59:00.002-05:00

Still sorting, tossing, throwing, clearing out of what has accumulated in the depths of winter. I remember the eagerness I had during fall for the going within time. Now I am equally ready to spring forth. I love the way this type of cleaning invites and recognizes the spirit of my house, the beauty of a home. Somehow, clearing spaces, clears me out. It was a long winter, and I am just believing that spring is really and oh so welcome.

AAA Hockey U-10 at the Super Rink

2011-04-10T16:41:00.002-05:00

Sunday outside hit 70 for first time this year! Muggy, windy, sun shining on and off, it felt like a great spring day. Then in the middle of the afternoon a step back into winter and the Super Rink at the National Sports Center in Blaine. This is the first time that I watched Myah play with her new AAA team. They play lots longer 25 minute half's for the game. Then they do bonus play, each team plays 5 minutes shorthanded and then there is a shoot out time. Amazing the skill, talent, determination and speed of these girls. Sasha is on the Minnesota Score, and she is up at 6 a.m. and off to edge training, she loves it. Of course Gramma worries at times about how much should kids be doing, but this seems like a win win for Myah. Her teams plays hard on the ice, and then they have great fun off the ice. The transformation from player to kid is instantaneous. Luke and I sat in the stands, him playing his video game and me clapping and cheering. I kept calling them girls and kids when other parents said "lets go ladies". They are kids, having fun, and along the way developing great hockey and life skills. Oh the benefits of Title IX!

Laura Nyro

2011-04-09T16:23:00.002-05:00

After a long cleaning drought, I am back at it! Pandora Radio Station set to Laura Nyro, as I mop, toss, and scrub I am swept back through the decades and every once in awhile a new artist that I don't yet know. Yeah for internet radio. The clouds are grey and Norah Jones singing sweetly. Clean smells, happy dogs. A sweet, present Saturday, and by the end of the weekend a good dose of spring cleaning and lyrics beating in my heart and soul.

No Shut Down

2011-04-08T22:18:00.003-05:00

There is so little to say. The Federal Government is not going to shut down tonight! Family Planning Title X funds are not the going to be the wedge. Who knows what will be cut. Pathetic. Who knows what is next. We are going to have a federal budget for the current year, one-half done maybe this week. Then we are onto the big fireworks. Oh my, oh my!

New Moon Rising

2011-04-07T07:18:00.003-05:00

Oh moon, in the sliver of your amazing light I find solace. What a job you have, orbiting around our earth. What is it we are doing here? Do you find solace in the meditation and breath of those that gaze at you lovingly? I am so glad for your moonbeams. I have been gazing at them for as long as I can remember, captivated and dreaming from their spell. Thank you for shining so brightly. I appreciate your quiet ceaseless glow, touching my heart so simply.

The Sun Rises Beautifully

2011-04-06T06:57:00.002-05:00

Blessings of gratitude for the sunrises.

While my heart was aching this morning, trying to take in the the federal budget mess, the division in Congress, the passing the MN Health and Human Services bill out of the Ways and Means committee yesterday, after knowing how much of the bill has is smoke and mirrors, the march of the Tea Party, the whimper of the progressives....well there before my eyes was this amazing break of light and color.

Beauty before my eyes. It reminded me of my thanks for all the people who are praying, fasting, believing that we can manifest a country a world that is more loving, more kind, more compassionate, more smart, and less greedy, less mean, less power hungry and ego driven.

I am sending thanks and deep care for all of my friends in WI how have worked so tirelessly in the Supreme Court Election and there is no official winner yet, a recount seems certain. I know about living with a recount! Another reminder of how closely divided we are at the election polls. Tonight the MN House hears the Omnibus bill and it will surely pass. Then to Conference Committee, just in time for the weekend!

It seems certain the Governor will veto. Then our own looming shut-down?

In all of these politically driven outcomes, what is the vision that I want, that you want. How do we stay clear about what today and tomorrow and the future looks like? Imagine that world, that neighborhood, that interaction with the next person you meet on the street, the next person I meet while walking the dogs.

The way out is the way in, and the way in is the way out. I am feeling those prayers, I am feeling the care, just for a moment as I do this musing meditative practice of noticing, telling, being.

Mother God

2011-04-05T06:26:00.003-05:00

Last week my Grandmother visited me. She doesn't come often, I have wished for her to come to me in my dreams, or to get another hand made card in the mail. As I slept in a bed away from home, she most have decided that she liked the digs, cause she came in her full unconditionally loving way. I sat in bed being enfolded in her arms. As we talked she stroked my hair, and I could feel every part of me held sweetly. She was happy, content and so was I. Timeless.

When I was sharing my dream with a friend, she said, "she is your mother god". Wow could I think of my grandmother who loved me so well, who was so important in my life, as a god? "But she was flawed", I said. Look around you my loving friend said, "you think god is without flaws?"

What a gift my little visit with my grandmother, it was so very real and tender and revitalizing. Of course she was my mother god, a divine presence, the one who loved my dreams and encouraged me to have more.

Still dreaming, still loving, still remembering, still feeling the gifts of my mother god. Thanks Gramma.

Trying not to Snow

2011-04-04T08:00:00.003-05:00

I could hear the rain when I woke in the night, and this morning as I walked past the window the wetness was everywhere. Light rain fell and every once in awhile there was sleet like threads and then full flakes of snow. It thought I heard the rain say, "it's my turn, my turn now" as I watched the entire sky turn to snow. It is gray, there are still a few piles of hardened, dirty snow in the backyard. The dogs watch intently sensing the changing of the season. From some past moment I remember walking through puddles and being happy to carry my umbrella and singing, chanting, believing that April showers bring May flowers.

Finally!

2011-04-03T08:29:00.003-05:00

Oh so long, the silence.

Feelings looping endlessly.

Deep movement in the darkness of winter.

Deep snow, again and again.

The journey in, the pushing outward.

Cherry blossoms bloom without regard to politics or people.

Daisy and Lola celebrate the smells and the animals bolting across the yard.

Sun high in the sky, warmth doubted barges in regardless.

Hope, light, tender shoots barely visable.

From the silence spring bursts eternal.

Not Quite Dawn

2010-12-13T06:46:00.002-06:00

It is so still outside this morning. It is almost 7 a.m. and the dawn has not yet come. We are moving towards the longest night and there are drifts of snow that are beyond my hips. There are tunnel like walkways from the doors, to the garage, to the outside world. The sky is dawn blue, the light is beginning to break at the horizon. I can see pink almost orange color beginning to move up into the sky. Each moment there is a change, a difference to be noticed. It is so still. Even the dogs as they look outside are quiet, almost in meditation. The silhouettes of the trees, remain like black cut outs pasted in front of the sky. The do not move.

Breathe in the stillness. Breathe in the light. Breathe within the darkness. Breathe.

Lost Day in Blizzard

2010-12-12T07:51:00.002-06:00

Drifts up above my waist, actual temperature = zero, with wind chills - double digits. 18" fell in my backyard. Front page of the newspaper tells the stories. The metrodome roof didn't make it.

The biggest snowstorm to hit the Twin Cities since the Halloween storm a generation ago whited out -- and pretty much paralyzed -- the metro area and much of the rest of Minnesota Saturday. I was here in Minnesota in the late 90's when we had the Halloween storm it snowed for 4 days, and there were ruts in the roads for the rest of the winter, it was awesome.

Yesterday's storm pretty impressive as well. No Christmas Carol at the Guthrie, no night out with my family, and the friends who decided to camp out at my house couldn't get here because the buses were pulled. I love when mother nature just shows here hand. This is clearly beauty and danger.

The cupboards are stocked. The girls are well. Not well enough to understand that they have to go out and do their duties, we'll try again today, I have several "stations" dug out for them...they are snuggled on their bed. I must be more distressed than they are.

December 12th, the women's quote for the day:

Spend the afternoon. You can't take it with you.

— Annie Dillard

2 for 1 Coupon for Intuitive Reading

2010-12-10T06:32:00.002-06:00

My "coupon of the day" was for an intuitive reading, and I burst out laughing when I saw it was a 2 for 1. Don't like the first reading, want some other outcome from the visit, turn in the second coupon and try again.

I have lots of people around me right now in my work and beyond who are wishing they had a crystal ball and could know who Governor Elect Dayton will appoint for his cabinet, then there is the process of the assistant commissioners, and then staff, etc. etc. etc.

All will be revealed! Patience is a virtue. No news is good news. Pick your choice.

On the weather front we going to have blizzard like conditions soon, plunge in the temperature, winds will blow and howl, and snow will fly. Snowiest December in a long time...winter solstice still more than two weeks ago. Light the candles, sing a song, stay warm.

We Have a Governor

2010-12-09T19:05:00.002-06:00

Governor-Elect Dayton is beginning his work as our new Governor. Many Minnesotans are excited and most are relieved that there will be no lawsuits, no stalling, no prolonging the recount, or trying to convince a judge that squeaky clean Minnesota elections are something else! Dayton announced his first Commissioner today, we will keep our very good Department of Transportatation Commissioner Tom Sorel, by all sides he has received very positive marks for pulling his Department out of the ashes of the 35W Bridge Collapse! He had been offered another job, and the team stepped in and he is staying - a good move for the state. As someone who works across a number of state agencies most certainly waiting for the announcements that will come next! In keeping with Minnesota humor very are lots of people who are just glad that Dayton's is back!

Adjustments

2010-12-07T21:10:00.003-06:00

Lola, Daisy and I are all adjusting here on the home front. The moon is the tiniest of a sliver in the sky, the temperatures are too low, and the dark continues to grow each day. Inside there is laughter, sleeping, silly talking and open hearts. It is a good thing having these sweet dogs in my life. The beginning of yet another adventure. The honoring of life.

Preparing for Solstice

2010-12-06T07:02:00.002-06:00

The coldest day of this season, and we are two weeks away from Solstice. The dark enfolds, and the snow illuminates. The new moon has begun, and the darkness is even deeper. As we move towards the longest night in the northern hemisphere, the moon is moving towards it's fullness. A full moon on Solstice. Yum. I have life in my house. Daisey and Lola are learning to trust these new surroundings, and I am beginning my experience of learning and listening to them. So as big flakes of snow literally drift down, and the dawn begin slowly. I breathe deeply within the darkness and appreciating the sacred cycles of the seasons, our life, and our light.

Daisey and Lola Have a New Home

2010-12-05T09:39:00.002-06:00

I took awhile but on Friday, December 3rd, the 3rd day of Hanukkah, and in a blazing snow storm I drove to pick up the new girls. We are all adjusting, and I have left them several times with no calamities. I bought one of those twin attachments, so the two of them are on one leash. With all the snow, they almost get lost, especially Lola who is half the size of her sister. These Shih Tzu gals are so lovable, and I look forward to learning their personalities, their needs, and their love as they begin to trust that I am going to be a good Mom and caregiver for them. What an amazing thing I have just done. To be able to say yes to all of what this will be, not saying no due to my worry of responsibility and being unable to care for them appropriately. I realized that the voice of no also carried over to no to the love, the enjoyment, the laughter and the life of these two sisters.

So here we are nine degrees, sunday a.m. me drinking tea (oh I also have quit coffee - that is another blog!) and Lola at my feet on the chaise and Daisey on her new bed right beside us. Listening to MPR and staying warm.

Not a bad sunday a.m.!

Ready for Lola and Daisey

2010-11-27T20:35:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the day. The weather is supposed to be great. The plan has been set. Radar is here and ready to meet the new members of the clan. All is well. Walking done, pj's on, temperature rising. Good check in with Radar's Mom. All is well. Keep giving thanks.

The Beauty in it All

2010-11-26T09:57:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was just great. Harvesting all of the brussels sprouts, digging the celeraic, beets, carrots. Snipping the last of the parsley and a few other herbs. I roasted the root vegetable, the 8 pound turkey was amazingly good, the venison tenderloin was so tasty. We had wines from the U.S. (I brought pinot noir from Eric K. James my friends vineyard in Sonoma), then onto France, Italy, Germany. The hardtack was a great success, and this never assembled before group of eight people. A delight. Lots to be thankful for, new beginnings, appreciation for the decades that Fina and I have been friends. And all around the beauty of the land.

Oh the gifts of thankfulness.

Iowa County Wisconsin

2010-11-24T17:57:00.002-06:00

The ice came, it is still coming, and I have been settled into the farm for hours before the rain started and then turned to ice. A jumbo dose of giving thanks. This ride across the ridges and through the valleys were the first of the fall, no leaves, and expansiveness that is so different than on the last visit when it was so green it almost hurt my eyes.

There was no color anywhere today. The treelines, the rock formations and the places where the glaciers just stopped are amazing. This is the driftless land. The farm is seventeen miles west of Taliesin. The bigger than life horizontal landscape that is everywhere here most certainly informed Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture.

I am sitting in Fina's new studio, it is a beautiful space. Today made more beautiful as I watch Fina knit, we listen to Ben Sidran, and we give thanks for the decades of friendship that we have had together.

The turkey was killed this morning, it is dressed and ready for our meal tomorrow. A neighbor just dropped off a venison roast fresh from the butcher. The vegetables have been picked from the garden. We have shared the menu and plan a leisurely morning of cooking and getting ready to greet friends.

Warm, safe and sound. Give Thanks.

Ahead of the Storm

2010-11-23T23:39:00.002-06:00

I have literally gone over the river and through the woods, and am now in LaCrosse. This is more than half-way to Serafina's. I got home after work, after the celebration retirement party for Sharon, and after the pep talk from Sasha determined to pack and jump into the car as quickly as possible.

By 11 p.m. in my room, free internet and no ice or snow.

I think I have gotten south and east far enough tonight to avoid the worst of the impending Thanksgiving storm.

Start the thanks. I am here. I am thankful for the wonderful moon that followed me the entire drive. I am grateful for the radio station that played really fun Arlo Guthrie music. I am grateful that breakfast will be delivered first thing in the morning.

Ahhhh.

Home Visit Delayed

2010-11-21T17:31:00.002-06:00

This morning the world as it linked from Minneapolis was a sheet of ice. Poor Radar, slipped and slid all over the place, he looked at me like I was the cause of it all. We put the ice melt down on the sidewalk across the driveway. It helped, the ice melted, and Radar was upright.

What did not get worked out was my home visit with Daisey and Lola. They are two shih tzu sisters who are currently in a foster home with Homeward Bound. I have been approved for adoption, today was when I would meet them. Myah was here, Radar was here, we were all ready. The weather did not cooperate. The foster mom felt so bad and greatly relieved that she did not have to try to drive from Blaine to NE Minneapolis.

We are making another plan, either Tuesday night or next Sunday morning or evening. Tentative date for them to come live with me, December 2nd or 3rd.

I have gotten past another wave of doubt and fear. I have had a few more people step up and offer to help. I have gotten good wishes and support. Now I just have to meet the girls.

Pictures posted later. If you can't wait, go to Homeward Bound - Minnesota scroll down to Lola and Daisey or click on Shih Tzu's 2 females. Enjoy the smile that lights up on your face!~

It's Cold Outside

2010-11-18T06:10:00.002-06:00

Yesterday the weatherman on public radio spent all time telling his listeners about the cold plunge that is due to happen. We are still above normal in MN, but that is due in large part to the first week of month, which was very warm (from our standard), now we are below normal in the temperature category. We have snow on the ground, and the cold cover is moving away. I didn't need a weatherman to remind me that the warmness from the earth and the cloud cover help us to be warmer, when clouds go away the heat rises and just keeps going. That is what is happening here in Minnesota. I am going to bring extra clothes and candles in the car when I take off for neighboring Wisconsin next week. Welcome to the dark, we are growing closer and closer to the shortest day. Keep up the humor.

Horary Party for the Metals!

2010-11-16T06:49:00.003-06:00

Off at 4:30 a.m. today to the annual "metal" horary party tune up. Fall is the season for "metals", and my 5 Element Acupuncture practitioner offers a seasonal tune up. She uses astrology and whatever else to come up with the time and and the date. Our time is always very EARLY -- so at 4:45 a.m. we are all laughing and smiling, and getting our treatment! The light is just coming and I am back home, another cup of coffee has been drunk and I am feeling the effects of a great tune up, or maybe coffee. It feels good. I found a few tips from another acupuncturist for autumn, wanted to share! We still have 5 weeks left!

TIPS FOR THE AUTUMN

Even with some luscious summer-like days in the past few weeks, we can feel the crispness in the air and see the change in the light that tells us that Fall is definitely here. Five-Element Acupuncture calls this the season of METAL. Here are some things to keep in mind as we move into this season of decrease as the energy falls.

· Pay attention to your breathing. According to Chinese medicine, the breath connects us to the Heavens and reminds us to take in that which is precious.

· Exercise. Consider a form of movement that incorporates attention to breathing such as yoga, qi gong, t’ai chi and martial arts.

· Eat a high-fiber diet with whole grains and greens to stimulate and open the bowels. Eat in an unhurried atmosphere to relax the colon. Choose foods that are in season. Fall is a good time for soup to soothe body and spirit.

· Practice letting go: identify an old hurt resentment or regret and release it by repeating to yourself “I am willing to let it go.”

· Remember that there will be seasons when life appears empty. During such a drought - when you’ve lost faith or your connection to your spirit - when you feel you’re in a desert, remember that deserts can bloom unexpectedly.

· Grieve your losses. Unmourned losses can become like scar tissue that blocks future growth.

· Remember that every ending can also be a new beginning. Focus on what lies ahead two seasons from now.

· Go through closets and drawers and throw out what you no longer use or need. If you haven’t needed it for two years, let it go.

· Create rituals and routine. They enhance spiritual growth. Make a ritual of watching the sunrise or sunset each day. Light a candle when you meditate or put on your favorite music when you clean house.

Enjoy the day. Breathe Breathe Breathe

Calm after the Storm

2010-11-14T14:55:00.002-06:00

The lawn chairs look sad and neglected, filled with wet day old snow. The sky is gray, very gray, and the temperature is steady just above freezing. There are still big trees branches and limbs on the roads around my house, and many streets have not been plowed. It is the day after the most one-day snowfall in November in Minneapolis in the past 18 years. We got a month of average snowfall in one day. My house is warm and cleaned and grass-fed beef stew is bubbling on the stove. This weekend has been a big preview of winter, even though it is more than one month until winter solstice. This is Minnesota, we are not surprised, and it is sobering when you count on your fingers how many months before we feel the amazing warmth of the sun. I am practicing keeping my shoulders lowered and not hunched up around my neck. I am remembering the beautiful site of snow falling freely yesterday, and I am grateful that I am not one of the 200,000 customers without power. Welcome to the first winter storm of the 2010 season.

First Snow

2010-11-13T07:25:00.003-06:00

There is nothing tame about this snowfall. It is making a big I AM First statement. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I knew long before I looked out the window that the snow had come. There is a certain light in the night when it is snowing, and the glow was apparent as well as a little layer of snow. Five hours later, the snowing is still blowing and there is about a 3" snow top on the patio table that has not yet been put away for winter. We might get 8-10 inches. It is white with snow everywhere. It is wet and the flakes are large. It is beautiful. I know there are lots of people who do not want snow, I am not one of them. I like the snow. I wasn't planning on liking it this weekend, but I am home, there are not a lot of demands for the weekend. I feel as if I have spaciousness to just let myself enjoy the beauty, be able to turn up the heat, have a cup of tea and welcome the first snow of what will be a LONG winter.

Bliss and Ecstasy

2010-11-11T22:15:00.002-06:00

Radar came over to his "Other Mother" (OM) this afternoon. The sun was shining and the warmth hit my cheeks, and the coolness in the air stirred all around, the sky was brilliant blue. I took out the toy that Radar has started to fetch, we went out in the yard and he just went wild with joy and bliss. I three the toy, he ran and leaped and jumped with the toy in his mouth, then he would run and run around and around in the yard. Then he would drop the toy, I would throw it, and it would start all over again -- I am sure he was in bliss and was too!

Later I left Radar for awhile and went to hear The Yuval Ron Ensemble for an evening of Sufi Devotional Music, poetry, teaching storing and Whirling. The evening performance was called a "Turning Heart". It was so very wonderful. It was ecstasy. I was leaping and jumping and opening and turning just like Radar did in the afternoon. We are both smiling and ready to snuggle in for the evening, hearts open, stomachs full, we have been stirred and loved.

Wow - What a Sunrise!

2010-11-10T06:49:00.002-06:00

I got the best welcome home gift! First a dinner handed to me when I got to my house, after the ride from the airport. An evening of just doing nothing! Then this a.m. my window eastward facing showed the most amazing sunrise. Again and again and again I am eased, inspired, healed and rejuvenated by the colors and textures and rapidly change light that comes with the sunrise. I know in my heart and soul why some cultures make sure that they sit, watch and honor sunrise and sunset. It is probably the transition of most ease for me. It comes later know, I don't have to chase the sunlight as in high summer. This transition to and form light, the most subtle and outrageous palette in the sky is a blessing, a simple blessing. I wonder for each of us what is that special simple something that continues to just move us no matter how many times and in how many ways we bear witness and our souls soar.

The Further North I Go, The Warmer It Is!

2010-11-09T19:45:00.002-06:00

Almost 70 degrees when I stepped out of the airport. The whole family is back in MN. Daughter and Son in Law went to Birthday Party for the "uncles" in Miami, it was 60 degrees and windy. Good thing they went to Florida with coats on. I kept hearing that it was going to be warm in NJ in DC and although nothing terrible. There could have been more sun and warmth. Then when I was flying towards home, and being so very glad to be at the end of my trip, I watched an amazing sunset high up in the sky, and the best sliver of moon. The plane came in early, friends picking me up, dinner wrapped up and in a bag, and oh what a great November evening. No place like home.

Great Sheets

2010-11-08T16:45:00.002-06:00

Oh my, it is almost time to go home. My head is filled with great thinking and listening and synthesizing. My heart is pulled by all the interactions and moments with people whom I have shared the past 15 years of my career. My body loved the sheets. I got into bed last night, and sighed, the sheets were great. When all said in done, I am a physical gal, I could not believe how happy and appreciative I was about the sheets on the bed. It was a big sigh, and then about 4-5 hrs. of uninterrupted sleep and then a little more. Off to enjoy the last night of this trip. Glad I will have soft, wonderful sheets. Then the best be of all -- my own.

Chopped Pesto

2010-11-07T07:52:00.002-06:00

The best way to meet new friends is in the kitchen and at the table. I don't know who said that first, but I know it is a truism. Last night outside of Princeton, I a great recently redone 40-ish feeling kitchen I orchestrated a supper for six. There was a transplanted Minnesotan, 2 couples who have known each other for years (one couple introduced the other pair to each other!). As an introvert, what better way to spend an evening with new folks and more than 2 of them - is to have a job! I was the cook. Thank you Lynn Rosetto Kasper, I decided to try the recipe of the week Pasta with Chopped Pistachio Pesto. It was great, Gary made the pasta, homemade, raised and rolled out by hand. Romanesco Broccoli was just right, both on the side and on top of the pasta, and the chopped pesto - yummm. Do try the recipe, it was a big hit. It is the kind of dish that you can take giant liberties with -- following your heart and your hands. Irv, the usual cook in the kitchen had just purchased a new knife and I got to try it out --- it chopped perfectly. I loved as the pile of pesto got bigger and bigger with each added ingredient. For me, I got to listen to conversations, and as several of the collaborators of the meal stood by me as we made the salad, cut the broccoli, prepared each part of the meal I got to have a little bit of one-on-one talking. My hosts Irv and Kathy are the most open-hearted, sharing, and welcoming people, and their house reflects who they are at their best. It was a great evening, punctuated at times by everyone's desire to have me move out east...I was not commenting about but did thank everyone over and over for how they were as friends, and how easily they welcomed me into their lives. The end of the evening was great chocolates from Lamberville and Kathy's home-made ice cream - pistachio and cardamom. Perfect end to a wonderful invitation to dinner and more.

geography lessons

2010-11-06T09:10:00.003-05:00

Sitting in bakery shop in Lawrenceville NJ, heading over to New Hope PA and I could drive to NY or DE this a.m. as well. The entire NE is like the "quad" cities area IL-MN-IA-WI, however the big difference is that beyond this location it is hours between interstate travel. I am enjoying the exploration of small towns vs. the big cities. I have rented a car and taken the train, I have sought out pedestrian options. Exploring and checking out how does this feel out here in what they call the Mid-Atlantic vs. the Northeast vs. the Midwest. I am coffee up'ed, gps on, sun shining, and I am off into my next multi state extraganza!

Rain in DC

2010-11-04T06:43:00.003-05:00

Sirens roar, streets are blocked off, the winds have started to blow and the rain is coming down. I was at the Department of Labor yesterday. It is a short walk from their offices to the capitol. It was surreal, the President was giving his press conference as my small group huddled together, our paper tags on our coats waiting for our escort. I was with workforce development and disability folks from Connecticut and Maryland. CT folks didn't discuss election, the MD folks had been celebrating that their Governor held onto his bid for re-election! MN folks, held back the "here we go again" phrase. At some point a federal staff asked us if we had talked to our Governor. We don't have one! or We have Three! I am still feeling glad to be so far away as everyone (including me!) takes in the MN election results.

Today I am taking some time to just behold beauty and art before heading onto the next work meeting, the next hotel, and the opportunity to just be present.

In the Darkness Dia de los Muertos

2010-11-02T07:08:00.002-05:00

Light is just breaking and here we are the in-betweens. The Day of the Dead, please you Mom, Gramma, Perry, Steve, Peggy, Delores, Evelyn, and on and on...those who have passed over and those who are to come. The colors of almost darkness are so subtle and gentle. Imagine all the altars being built today honoring those who have been loved so dearly. Marigolds, candles, pieces of food and those things that are just around us, made into ritual honoring the love. Burning the candles. Continuing the light as we move deeper and deeper in the darkness.

56 Years

2010-11-01T21:31:00.003-05:00

Day of the Dead, and SF Giants win the World Series. Not much of a ball fan anymore, but one cannot admire the underdog. I was 4 years old when the NY Giants won the World Series, I just saw on the TV gas was $.21 per gallon. Happy players. Texas not so much. WGN and the Cubs were on the TV always as I was a kid, glad for SF! I loved the Cubs as a kid, my brother when he left home, moved across the street from the White Sox ballpark. I used to follow the Brewers, go for opening day. Now a few times a year I enjoy the pure simplicity and beauty of balls/strikes/innings. A winner a loser. Rules. Take me out to the ballpark. Yeah San Francisco. How fitting thinking about my Gramma, my Grampa, my Mom, others who have passed - they would have liked this game tonight!

Another Morning in Hell

2010-10-31T12:42:00.004-05:00

Pirates, Witches, Christmas Elves, and the stetson hat farmer....all at our house this morning. Luke in his Christmas pj's and Myah in her Wicked Witch of the West costume, and me in my Stetson Hat and bib overalls, and Radar in his pirate cape...all getting ready for Halloween. Radar protected the house, and the rest of us went off to Hell's Kitchen. Great Music, fun food, lots of treats, we brought our entire pumpkin of treats, and they were a big hit with the staff...the gooey mice were the best! Then Tom Horner walks in with his family. If only I could really take a picture with my new phone! So kids are off to hockey, Radar is still resting, and I am enjoying the little halloween fun of the morning. Boo!

October Sky

2010-10-30T14:10:00.002-05:00

There are days in the fall where the crispness in the air, and the brilliance in the sky! Today is one of the most gorgeous days that I have been able to both notice and enjoy!

Blue, Blue, with White wafts in the Sky. Sunshine shining wonderfully.

Sun Glorious Sun

2010-10-29T07:35:00.002-05:00

The sun came back, such a welcome sight. The winds blew and blew, the temperature dropped and dropped, and this a.m. I read in the paper that babies came as well. Seems as if having record breaking low barometric pressure signals and opportunity to come on into the world!!!

This morning through my beautifully BIG window the sunrise was brilliant. The colors amazing. It brought we deeply back into myself for a few moments. I had been printing out receipts, worrying about meetings and in general having a morning fret. The color started slowly at the horizon and within a half-hour the entire sky was the sweetest colors of lavender, red, gold, yellow, and pinks.

Thanks for the simple beauty of life.

Restoring Sanity or Keeping Fear Alive

2010-10-28T07:35:00.002-05:00

It seems like this weekend's rally in DC - the Stewart/Colbert we are not political folks has proven that Comedy Central and Facebook is participatory government. People are traveling from around the U.S. (or there are about 20 cities that are restoring sanity or maintaining fear satellites). There is nothing sane and we should be afraid that folks are calculating that 4 Billion dollars has been spent on mid-term elections. All this money spent, sanity-fear, and we still want to believe that someone will wave a magic wand, take something away from someone else and give it to them. Ouch, I woke up on the cynical side of the bed this a.m. --- breathe. Breathe in some hope and take right action (not right wing!).

The Weather Outside if Frightful

2010-10-27T08:12:00.003-05:00

Oh my, the winds are gusting at 50 miles per hour, it is in the 40's (low), and the snow is coming. Must be close to Halloween in Minnesota. Hang onto your hat, get out your gloves, the time for no out of state visitors is rapidly approaching!

Blessings to you Paul Wellstone

2010-10-26T07:34:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the 8th Anniversary of Paul Wellstone's death. Of course there were more who died than just him, his wife Sheila died with him, as well as his daughter Marcia. Seven died altogether. Paul didn't change my life, he was not a my professor, or neighbor, he wasn't even a friend. I did in both my personal life and professional life have an opportunity to listen to him, to speak with him and to learn from him. I am not a big hero person, but Paul was a hero to me. I didn't like that his oratory fashion had a lot of screaming in it, but I would manage to get past my irritation and listen. He was bold, he was honest, he never gave up, he loved people, he believed in people, he believed in change. Even though I wished he didn't have to yell so much, I see know that the only way anyone would wake up to what he said was to yell. He could also talk, and listen. I listened last night to Paul on MTN , Minneapolis Television Network. They ran interviews and clips with Paul all night long. I was most struck by all the talk of health care reform, remember Bill Clinton was going to reform health care - Paul was eloquent, he was clear. I checked and the programming is still up on their website. Take a listen, remember Paul, remember your own truth.

Rosalie Sorrels

2010-10-25T07:01:00.006-05:00

This weekend I went out with my friends Dawn and Ryan and baby Laura (10 months old). Ryan and Dawn share a love of micro-beers. Ryan make some good home brew and he also hosts the MNBeer site. We went off to the Muddy Pig on Saturday afternoon to sample belgian beer - it was the annual fest! We went at a great time, and had a table by the window. Laura had just got up from her nap, and she was as usual ms. mellow! She is the most content baby, and her mom and dad just ooze loving her, it is such a treat to be with them, and a flight of belgian been.

So what about Rosalie Sorrels --- somehow as I was singing to Laura, the Hostile Baby Rocking Song sprang into my head (I said Melvina Reynolds sang it-my bad!). I came home and hunted on you-tube ---I didn't know the name, just the genre "hostile baby rocking song (this is the day we give baby's away, with a half a pound of tea! If you know any ladies who want any babies send them around to me....) --- the title is This is the day.....

I couldn't stop, once I started on Rosalie's Music, this may be one of the sweetest songs I so glad I found it again today it is sung by Rosalie and written by Utah Phillips. I love that this is the music that I heard as a child, and later embraced as a young woman... If I could be the Rain!

Thank you Rosalie.

Squirrel Talk

2010-10-24T08:38:00.002-05:00

There is a tree close to the side door of my house, it is a red oak. The leaves stay on very late into the fall, sometimes they don't really drop until close to Thanksgiving. It is a great tree, and last year I had it trimmed and spruced up to help it stay healthy and live long. As Radar and I stepped out of the door yesterday afternoon I heard a noise, it was almost like a quacking, sounded maybe like a bird, I wasn't sure what it was but it was persistent. I stopped, Radar as usual was quiet, listening himself, I figured out the noise was coming from the tree, and then I spotted this squirrel, it was in the crook of the tree, and looking right at us. I looked back, and the noises that came out of the mouth of the squirrel, my jaw dropped. This squirrel had much to say, I have no idea what it was, at first I thought we were being scolded for entering his/her territory, then I thought he/she might be singing a fall song, then I landed on the squirrel was just giving praise for the great tree. After about 5 minutes of one-sided conversation Radar and I got in the car - headed for the Muddy Pig. Animal Talk in the city.

Remedy

2010-10-22T07:23:00.003-05:00

A week ago I went to a homeopath. My daughter, and granddaughter see the same practitioner. I have a few specific "things", aches, pains. Mostly I wanted to give my body one more way to support itself in healing, both for little things and at a deeper level. It had been a long time since I took a "remedy". I remembered the most negative part of the experience (of course!) and that was giving up coffee. I am down to one cup + a day. I have restocked the caffeine tea choices in my house, and have no more cold press coffee made. Each day I am closer to letting go, I actually had a dream about a chai drink last night, it was good.

Next week I get my remedy, she is still sorting out what would be best. Here is a five minute video called Just Good Medicine , a shortcut to what is homeopathy? As for government, below is how the NIH introduces one to homeopathy. Here's to our health, I'll skip the coffee, please.

The term homeopathy comes from the Greek words homeo, meaning similar, andpathos, meaning suffering or disease. Homeopathy seeks to stimulate the body's ability to heal itself by giving very small doses of highly diluted substances. This therapeutic method was developed by German physician Samuel Christian Hahnemann at the end of the 18th century. Hahnemann articulated two main principles:

The principle of similars (or "like cures like") states that a disease can be cured by a substance that produces similar symptoms in healthy people. This idea, which can be traced back to Hippocrates, was further developed by Hahnemann after he repeatedly ingested cinchona bark, a popular treatment for malaria, and found that he developed the symptoms of the disease. Hahnemann theorized that if a substance could cause disease symptoms in a healthy person, small amounts could cure a sick person who had similar symptoms.
The principle of dilutions (or "law of minimum dose") states that the lowerthe dose of the medication, the greater its effectiveness. In homeopathy, substances are diluted in a stepwise fashion and shaken vigorously between each dilution. This process, referred to as "potentization," is believed to transmit some form of information or energy from the original substance to the final diluted remedy. Most homeopathic remedies are so dilute that no molecules of the healing substance remain; however, in homeopathy, it is believed that the substance has left its imprint or "essence," which stimulates the body to heal itself (this theory is called the "memory of water").

Any one out there with an experience to share?

Radar is Going to be a Calendar Boy

2010-10-21T07:34:00.002-05:00

I am blogging as Radar is back to sleep, he got up for a little run, ate some food and now is blissfully asleep on the bed! He is unfazed by his latest celebrity moment. Radar was notified yesterday that he would be the January calendar dog for the Small Dog Rescue 2011 Calendar. This picture of Radar taken last winter is a preview, it is not the selected photo. Terry Gydesen Radar's Mom (I have other Mother status!) and amazing photographer (check out her blog by clicking on her name, please) sent in several great shots of Radar from each season. They selected January for our boy. Please if you like dogs, know someone who does, check out their website, the calendar information will be available soon. Just in time for holiday giving and receiving. By the way, SDR has dogs available all the time, for adoption and fostering, they are a great group. I love that Radar is in my life, my grandkids love Radar, and he is the best extension to our families! Check it out. For those of you in other states, even though all of our dogs are above average and good looking, I know you will enjoy the pictures throughout the year!

Sunrise in Contrast

2010-10-20T07:17:00.002-05:00

In the east there is a band of beautiful red/pink/white light color. The horizon I see from my house is higher up, it is framed by the two big trees in my "alley neighbors" yard. One has no leaves, the other hardly looks as if a leaf has dropped. The contrast of what I can now see on the leafless three and the what my eyes notice on the other leaf filled side is amazing. What a preview of these winter months, so much morning color and light, very little if NO green, sometimes some green plant is frozen in its color! Breathe in and out, deep, noticing the light, the ever expanding light. There's no place like home.

Light

2010-10-19T06:32:00.002-05:00

Sometime yesterday afternoon I found myself noticing what was happening with my mind, my body. I had been in a hotel conference room....not a huge ballroom, but I think you could slide the "walls" back and it would be one of the sections that made up a cavernous room without a window. No light, bad artificial light. Isn't there another way? This is a day learning community session that includes a "working" lunch. I wonder if we would be better served to take our lunch out by the pool. It is 86 degrees!

Made me appreciate my own office, where chaos may reign but there is natural light where ever you go. I light staying in the light!

Martina - Happy Birthday

2010-10-18T07:55:00.001-05:00

It is Martina Navratilova's Birthday. I have to say that there were years in my life when watching her play was the way that I learned how to have an active fantasy life. The best memory is that at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival one year I bought a refrigerator magnet of Martina, it was a very nice close up picture. I put it in my office, and every once in awhile, someone would walk in and ask if that was my girlfriend. If only, I wished. So today, I send Martina big birthday wishes and am having a fun moment remembering those fantasies. Thank you Martina for your great tennis playing and your ability to kickstart my fantasy world!

A Trip to San Miguel - Restaurant That Is!

2010-10-17T07:47:00.002-05:00

Oh, it is amazing weather here in Austin. The folks that live here, are talking about the Mississippi corridor and how we have all been having the best weather in the country. They are dry (little did I know Austin is usually humid!) and cool evenings and morning, with a slow warm up until glorious sunsets of slowing cooling heat.

Once again my Austin tour guides did it up great. After the chaotic time on the highways, Austin drivers seem to have little capacity to pay attention and they drive really fast; we ended up at San Miguel . On my other trips here this restaurant has come up as a place to go and we just didn't get to it in time. It was first stop this trip. Oh my what great food, check out the site, and get ready to drool. The art is great, the space very comforting and inviting, and the food --- yum yum yum. I had the best ceviche since Guatemala. The tamales were great. The margarita? Perfect.

A great welcome back to Austin. Today the Austin Book Festival at the Capitol and a great Impressionists show at the University's Art Museum. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday. Hope yours is great where ever it is.. Because where ever we go, there we are!

Off to a little more summer

2010-10-16T07:28:00.005-05:00

Today is the third time in less than a year that I am going to Austin, Texas. It took 59 years for me to get there, but now I am on a roll. Austin reminds me of Madison (those are both names of towns in MN that I seldom have been to) - that is Madison, WI. Madison was the perfect incubator for really growing into myself. I loved Madison, I had a pedestrian life, coop, work, movies, eats, all within the ability of my feet to get me there. Then there was the University, each year I have more respect for how my education has shaped how I think, and what I do.

So how about Austin vs. Madison, first, there is just the edgy factor. There's the capitol and the head shops, there is lots of music, there is great food. I love the Austin Motel - a step back in time. Congress Street and State Street.....oh and it is the first place I had a margarita. Think I'll have one tonight!

Mata HariShot I Love Lucy Premiers

2010-10-15T06:15:00.002-05:00

World War 1 spy - Mata Hari was shot at dawn in 1917 and then in the evening of 1951 Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez star in the new TV show - I Love Lucy. Slow day in history. Maybe everyone was just enjoying a beautiful day in fall (or spring in the other hemisphere!) Noticing the colors, enjoying the light. Celebrating the balance of the season, endings - beginnings. Oh Mata Hari - you were quite a gal! Lucy you made me laugh even when I didn't want to think you were funny! Enjoy the color of the day.

In the Droid World

2010-10-14T06:13:00.002-05:00

I did it. I expanded my network! 3 g....phone with typing pad. 1st step away from blackberry. I just loaded app's. I have moon phases, inspirational quotes, a compass, notepads, oh lord who knows! Know if I could feel confident that I know what to do when the phone rings, and I that I recognize the ring as my phone. I have no idea what it sounds like. One more step into or away from who knows.

Dylan Different - Ben Sidran

2010-10-13T06:25:00.002-05:00

I needed a little pick me up this a.m. I "surfed" over to Ben Sidran's website and found this video, Hwy. 61-Revisited . When Ben sings it opens my heart, I feel my chest expand, and I am in my body. Depending on the tune, my toes tap, or my whole self just has to dance. Sometimes I just close my eyes and get carried away. Ben Sidran has this great CD of "deconstructed" Bob Dylan Tunes. Take a ride on Hwy. 61 (it's close to my house!). Enjoy the colors.

Happy Birthday Eleanor Roosevelt

2010-10-11T19:05:00.002-05:00

Born in 1884. Last night on PBS on watched a program about Franklin Roosevelt, Blanche Cooke (who I know from her work on Eleanor Roosevelt) was one of the narrators. How she spoke of Eleanor in regards to Franklin's affair with Lucy Mercer (who had been Eleanor's personal secretary) was so very touching. Eleanor had discovered the affair, and Franklin had promised that it would end. It did for awhile, and then Franklin had their daughter Annie arrange the meetings with Lucy and her Dad. Eleanor never knew that that affair had begun again, until she went to Warm Springs to pick up Franklin's body after he died. Franklin died with Lucy Mercer at his side. Blanche talked about the 10 minutes that Eleanor had alone with the body. She had not only come to retrieve his body, but she also upon arrival found out that Lucy had been with Franklin. She pulled herself together, and it was on the train ride home, with the casket returning to DC that Eleanor later talked about how overwhelmed she was with all the outpouring of love for her husband, the President. It was on that journey a grieving widow, a betrayed wife, a first lady, a mother, a friend -- that she was able to rise above and to let go of all of her own hurt.

Eleanor has always been a hero to me. I never really knew when her birthday was, it is today -- Now known as National Coming Out Day. Happy Birthday Eleanor. For Us, enjoy a little Eleanor wisdom:

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Eleanor Roosevelt

10-10-10

2010-10-10T14:00:00.002-05:00

Glorious Day. Today is my daughter and son in spirit's wedding anniversary! James works in the Washington County Courthouse, and many of the judges are working all day today, performing marriage ceremonies, making it easy to remember your anniversay and your wedding date! The power of ten the power of zero. I have the grandkids, they stayed over night. Radar was also here for the night! We all walked in the dark to get a steamed milk at the coffee shop! It was June like warmth at 8:30 p.m. The kids loved it, they live in the burbs, and walking to the store, the park, a restaurant is not what they do-I think they have the potential to strive for a pedestrian life. Radar loved it, we all sat outside at the table, it wasn't Paris, but it sure was fun. Today started with a trip to hell, that is Hell's Kitchen for breakfast -- yummm, yummmm, yummm!!! Now time out in the sunshine. Myah is doing her homework, Luke is on his skateboard, and Gramma is online. Pretty fine 10-10-10!

In Amerika They Call Us Dykes

2010-10-09T07:52:00.003-05:00

This weekend in NYC there is a conference on Lesbian Lives in the 70's. One of my Women Studies teachers Evi Beck, and many other authors, musicians, activists, and lesbians that I have known or been touched by will be presenting or attending. What a rich time in my life, here is a little of what the conference organizers have to say:

The 1970s was a period of intense excitement, change, activism, and activity for lesbians. As lesbian feminism redefined what qualified as a "political issue" and challenged every assumption about gender, race, class, ability, sexuality, and any other social category, lesbians of all kinds created cultural, social, political, economic, and regional organizations and networks.

Lesbians created businesses; lesbians made and marketed music; lesbians played on softball teams; lesbians engaged in struggles for racial, social, and economic justice; lesbians made films; lesbians created womyn's land. Inspired by the massive social changes that were taking place, lesbians made new worlds for themselves and others.

In recognition of this momentous decade, the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies (CLAGS) announces a weekend-long event/conference/festival of lesbian history, culture, arts, scholarship, discussion, and performance from Friday, October 8 to Sunday, October 10th. Check it out, http://www.70slesbians.org/

If I could say only one thing about the 70's for me it would be, "I found out that who I was, what I do, the attempts I made, and the visions I had were valid, good, and that I could not be kept down". What a lesson. I bet they are going to have a great time in NYC. Thank you dykes for being in the world!

86 Degrees

2010-10-08T19:07:00.002-05:00

If anyone thinks that Minnesotans go nuts during summer, hold onto your hat. We absolutely vibrate, hum, move to a different atmosphere when it is October and it is over 80. We almost hit 90, (well half-way there). Tomorrow is to be even warmer. This warmth, the angle of the sun, the light, the leaves sweeping golden collages in the air.

No worries about it getting better, pretty good right now!

Anita Hill - Who is She?

2010-10-07T05:56:00.002-05:00

In 1991 as my dearest friend Perry was slowly leaving his body, I sat in his kitchen and listened to Anita Hill in Congressional Hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Clarence Thomas accuse him of sexual harassment, inappropriate and unwelcome sexual comments. Perry died, Anita Hill is a professor of law, social policy and women's studies at Brandeis University, and Clarence Thomas is a Supreme Court Justice. I was just listening to a discussion of the new court, and they talked about how Clarence Thomas never asks a question during the proceedings. New Justice Kagan has in her first session of court asked more questions than Justice Thomas has in the last court year, and possibly his entire tenure! Go figure, too bad he didn't learn silence and not interrupting (he says he doesn't like to interrupt the attorneys) earlier in his career!

Fannie Lou Hamer - Happy Birthday

2010-10-06T06:40:00.001-05:00

Born in 1917 - Ms. Hamer became known as the spirit of the civil rights movement. At 44 years old, Fannie Lou met volunteers from the SNCC (Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee) - she did not know that she had the constitutional right to vote. She herself volunteered to go to the Montgomery County courthouse to register to vote. Later she said,

"The only thing they could do to me was to kill me, and it seemed like they'd been trying to do that a little bit at a time ever since I could remember. "

When I was 14 years old, Ms. Hamer spoke before the Credentials Committee of the Democratic National Convention, it was on television. She told of the ways in which African Americans were prevented from voting. She was an inspiration. She did shine a light where there had been darkness. She talked of being sick and tired of being sick and tired--and she found her way, and our country is better for it, and we still have a long ways to go. Happy Birthday Fannie Lou.

Oh No I Lost a Day

2010-10-05T07:11:00.002-05:00

It is Tuesday a.m. and I am already trying to catch up....this blog thing was so out of my consciousness, and with it's recent resurrection I am still sorting out - why what how when....the who would be me.

Last night the Red Tent Women came to my house for a board meeting. We planned our next event - we do them monthly with a summer break! This month we will be having a "Senses Bar"....what a fun idea we think. Awakening the senses, noticing, sharing...so for my twin cities friends put Tuesday, October 19th on your calendar, come on over to the Mill City Cafe in NE Minneapolis. For those of you further away...stay tuned, take a moment, breath through your nose, let the breathe out through your nose. Try it again more slowly, and deeply.

A little preview of the "Senses Bar"!

Glorious Yellow Leaves in Sunlight

2010-10-03T16:41:00.002-05:00

I am home from an amazing weekend of Cherag training. I had no idea how I would connect, what it would feel like after 5 months to be back together with this group of women who have heard some sound of a call. It was a big wow! I am still vibrating, and humming, and awake. It is great when we get these moments of being so absolutely present, so alive. What a gift, and how great when we can find ways to practice and notice and share. As the weekend went on the sunlight grew clearer and the leaves more golden and the sky more blue. What a relief to have the angst, the anger, the fear, the state of whatever melt away for a moment. Recharge. Renew. Ready for tomorrow. Have something more to show up with as I step back into the world.

Oh My I Have a Blog - I forgot!

2010-10-02T07:39:00.002-05:00

It is fall and it was two years ago that I began this blog....I was faithful to this form of expression for quite awhile, then sporadic, then absent, then just gone....I might have some things to say, observations to sort out, a desire to kindle something within and between us as readers, as writers in a virtual community.

I am off to be with one of my Sufi teachers and a wonderful circle of mureeds (seekers). I get to be by Golden Lake a great vessel for reflection, both within and without. I might find inspiration to open up this page tomorrow and make another blog post.

To take the time to connect - to use both my head and heart to move these hands to the keyboard once more.

Mother Daughter Date

2010-05-20T18:22:00.002-05:00

Sasha and I went to the James Taylor and Carole King Reunion Concert this week. I had asked her weeks ago, and she said they would get the tickets! I didn't hear anything and had forgotten when the concert was, and got a call last Saturday - "when is the concert she asks?" I say, "I don't remember, I'll look it up". Oh its Tuesday, good, we're going....We met at Meritage, one my fav St. Paul eateries! We had very fun summer drinks, and good food, and off we went just as the rain started to the "x". It was great! Sasha sang outloud on many of the songs. Would say with a big smile that she didn't know THAT was a Carole King song. I loved it, memories of my own, a very appreciative crowd, Carole and James were very appreciative themselves, they had many of the band members from their first time performing together. I've been singing I've got a friend all week, and laughing at how much Sasha enjoyed going to the senior citizen event!

It's a Budget - That is all I can say!

2010-05-18T06:51:00.002-05:00

Ugh. It is so hard to believe that what the legislature passed and the Governor signed had to be the budget that we are left with here in Minnesota. With our gov veering his way east on the most conservative no tax, less government, no explanation of the consequence platform - our DFL controlled legislature was unable or didn't see like it was important to let us folks know what all of this means so that a little pressure might have been applied. Of course, with the tea party folks pouring there fantasy talk, and folks just saying no, an no fact checking going on anywhere -- hard to do the people's work.

I was most bereft when the gov walked out to the media, and blamed the dem's for cost shifting, and big spending -- when they essentially passed the gov's budget! We have so far to go-or maybe to come to in order to begin to have a true deliberation and conversation about what government does and does do and how that supports the people in the state. I wish I felt cheerier but not happening this a.m. I want us to have real engagement - seems improbable when all politicians of any stripe are just buying tv ad time and 15 second radio spots.

I might impose a tv blackout between now and August 9 (i think that is primary date) and I shutter to imagine the volume of noise and the benign neglect of engagement that will occur as we all drone on to November!

Art A Whirl - My Picks So Far

2010-05-16T09:17:00.002-05:00

The largest open studio and gallery tour in the United States is in my backyard. In my backyard this weekend. I try to do little steps into the whirling - and yesterday afternoon went to the Northrup King Building - it is the biggest of the old industrial buildings of the NorthEast that are now havens for artists, studios of all kinds - our arts district.

I wanted to take a friend to meet Charlie Thysell - he is wanting to buy a "head" and well Charlie's heads are great! While there Margarita Sikorskaia, she does not have any work on display but I have linked Charlie and Margarita's newest work that is in a gallery in New Orleans, check it out. My friend found two heads he liked and I found a knitted/felted sweater by Ian Baldry , wonderful texture fun and elegant, beautifully made. Last recommendation stop by Blue Sky see Peter Schulzetenbergs bench. Amazing....Charlie is on 2nd Floor, Ian and Peter on the 3rd....Enjoy Whirling!

Here Comes the Sun

2010-05-14T06:54:00.005-05:00

It is windy, it is still not very warm, but the sun is out. I stepped out of bed singing Here comes the Sun - and thought you might like a little sunshine yourself. I wasn't thinking of the beatles but Nina Simone, and her cover of this fun song....I tried to download it here - no luck beyond my morning computer skills - check her out and enjoy the sunshine - glad it came back.

Here comes the sun (du dn du du)

Here comes the sun

And I say

Its alright

George Harrison

Glorious Felt

2010-05-13T06:48:00.002-05:00

As I was moaning out loud to myself this morning about the lack of sun, had lamented about it on facebook, and was feeling a little sorry for myself I decided to see what the headlines were in the NY Times. As I was trolling (it is wet here!) I saw a headline "garden of felt". Hmmm so off I clicked, I want to skip work for the next month and just make my own creations, check out the slideshow I hope you are inspired, I was. Off to my wool roving shop, I already have a jumbo crochet hook, I think I am going to braid and try a circle rug first....here's hoping inspiration, dreams, and a bit of intention turn into my own creation, or yours?

Rainy and Raw

2010-05-12T07:29:00.002-05:00

Oh you knew it had to happen, when basking in 70 degree weather in April - there has to be payback. This is Minnesota. It has been gray, cold, rainy for days, still is that way. The weather matches the mood at the capitol, where the governor vetos budget bill with taxes, and the conference committee continues to pound things out on the health and human service bill, and no one understands what is next. The session must adjourn on Monday. This is the time of the session, where adults do what you tell every kid and teenager to not do in preparing for academic tasks or work --- do not pull an all-nighter! So without sleep, with special interest, lobbyist, state workers, and more all trolling around the edges think drone on to some kind of end. By the time they get there everyone wants to just go home and sleep and forget about it! This sentiment matches what greets one as they step outside the capitol, it is gray, it is raining and it is very cold outside. Bundle up it isn't over yet!

Beautiful Iris

2010-05-10T20:10:00.002-05:00

I have a entire spot as I walk out of the back of my house onto the patio that is filled with Iris and Lillies of the Valley - two falls ago I dug most of them up separated, transplanted and left a pile in the pebbles. Last year the pile took, and I thought that I would just see what happened. This year such a treat, I have lovely tall, beautiful, purple Iris. They are so sturdy and majestic. The tiny white Lillies of the Valley are just shining away. They made it through the freeze warning, shouldering the cold with aplomb. The grass is so green it almost hurts my eyes. Spring is here. It is more than here, it is explosive. We are awaken. Oh my!

Mother's Day A Repeat

2010-05-09T17:41:00.002-05:00

It was a really crisp start to this Mother's Day, the sun was brilliant and the heat came on early in the morning. Battling a bug and yearning for stillness, I have celebrated mostly alone. Radar and I went to the Dog Park. My Mom would like Radar, I know she would. My daughter likes Radar. And after a good long run, lots of dog socializing, and some owner interactions, we came back home. We both snoozed and when I woke, I was doing what many might do today. Remembering my Mom. I called her sister, I talked to my BFF, and I remembered. I remembered when my Mom broke her toe falling off the top bunk, we all shared a room and beds when we lived with her parents! I don't really remember her always being in our bunk beds, but I can't remember the bedrooms in the house, it is a complete blank! But she most of have been reading or comforting or who knows what when down she went! It must have really hurt! But at 5 I didn't really understand, I feel down alot and it was not awful! It is those times that are so unordinary or so very ordinary that seem to pop up in my mind when I am remembering. Three years ago I heard a story about roller rinks, and it opened the floodgates. I wrote the following poem, it was just before Mother's Day, it seems like a good one to keep remembering to keep loving and honoring my Mom.

Mother’s Day 2007

I was driving down the highway, when I heard about the

roller rink closing.

It had opened the year that my Mother was born.

In that moment of remembering I heard the music, hundreds of tiny wheels pushing, gliding, spinning round and round the rink.

Wobbly knees and uncertain legs, my Mom holding onto my hand

then letting go – and I am transfixed,

watching my Mother crossing over her legs with the beat,

head back, smiling as I held onto the side of the rail,

wishing she would come back to hold my hand,

wishing I could tell her how beautiful she was when she skated,

hands pumping, rhythm flowing and eyes twinkling,

as she let go for just one moment,

and got to be herself.

Big Absence

2010-05-07T07:03:00.003-05:00

Gray, very cool, a reminder that while I haven't been blogging the weather here in MN has been delightfully unseasonable. I am totally ready for Friday it has been weeks of travel, conferences, budgets, health care reform, negotiations - interspersed with great family time, some really good food, laughter, and the brightest moon I ever remember. Blogging for me has become an external vehicle that requires stepping back and listening to what comes. In travels, calls, late evenings, early mornings there is less ability and willingness (that is the biggest one! Being Willing!) to stop and listen. The explosion of spring seemed to speed up everything - including me! This pause in the gray and cold more easily facilitates taking that deep breath and stepping into the silence. So a blog post is meditation and I am thankful at the end of the very stressful work week to be able to pause, not "veg out" or escape, and to listen. To enjoy the brilliance of the green on a rare cooler than normal spring day in May!

Party Dress

2010-04-14T06:26:00.002-05:00

Last night I went to one of my favorite second hand shops and got a marvelous dress for the Red Ribbon Affair on Friday. I am going to Madison! I am going to the Red Ribbon Affair for the first time since I left as the Executive Director of AIDS Network. The organization is 25 years old, and this fundraiser began when I was the E.D. It was at the Sheraton Hotel, they paid for everything, including Marie Osmond to perform! So this morning I was thinking about how fun my new dress is and as I walked into my dining room and looked out towards the east (there are sliding glass doors) the entire sky was lit with pinks, and lavenders and blues. What a spectacular party dress in the sky I thought. So I am still smiling about my new dress and loving the dress bestowed by the beloved as I watch the awakening of the morning sky.

Wide World Web Interruption

2010-04-13T21:43:00.002-05:00

I stepped out of my world for the weekend and went into the world of spirit, and ministry and community. Hospitality Place on Golden Lake is a jewel, and less than 15 minutes from my house. I am training to be a Cherag, a minister ordained through the Sufi Order International. A Cherag can perform the Universal Worship, which honors the world's religion, and those who have held the light of spirit. It is Unity not uniformity. It is all one. It was a great first session, a wonderful group, and coming back into the world was just fine. Toward the One.

Grandparent's Day

2010-04-09T22:47:00.002-05:00

Today was Grandparents day in Myah's classroom. So this morning, I left work and drove out to Stillwater and got to sit in my Granddaughter's classroom, and listen to her and her classmates read their interview stories about one of their grandparents. Myah is in 4th Grade, the students learned how to use the microphone, and they read their stories. Each interview had the same questions, but what came after that was unique and special for each child. The teacher wanted her students to learn how to ask their grandparents questions about their lives. She hoped that her class would begin to value the importance of learning about their oldest generation. The teacher brought her grandmother to the class as well. Gramma Bender is 92 years old - and I tell you I was inspired. I walked out of Myah's classroom, smiling and envisioning, that I would someday in my 90's go to Myah's work with her and tell stories of what it was like when I was little. What a great day!

Vintage Knitting

2010-04-08T07:01:00.002-05:00

"Each stitch is a prayer", that is counsel that I have received. I most of the time believe it, and feel it. Recently I bought some beautiful yarn to make a shawl. I have thought about it often, and on a recent trip to Princeton, NJ I got a pattern at Pins and Needles. After several trips I found the yarn that I wanted and went to pull out the pattern. I could not find it anywhere, still can't! So I started looking on the "web". Found this great site: Free Vintage Knitting Patterns . I am going to knit the Country Club Shawl, most likely without the fringe! Imagining it will be beautifully appropriate on a summer evening! Also imagining it will be wonderful to be wrapped in a prayer!

Musings on the blog....

2010-04-07T21:00:00.001-05:00

I found some notes, I am a paper keeper! They were from one of the Speaking of Faith programs. I think it was a show about meditation - it might have been about the dervishes - who knows, and here are a few of the "take aways" I wrote down:

- change your vantage point (note: very sufi perspective!)

- just plow the earth, allow yourself to move around, don't worry about what will happen

- get in tune with the whirling earth

- longing is redemptive - not important exactly what the language is

- collect the scatteredness

Breathe....

Undefeated!

2010-04-06T21:26:00.002-05:00

I was really rooting for Stanford, not only is a great school, has a great coach (Tara spends her summers on a Minnesota Lake!), but it is my namesake.

My Mother's maiden name was Stanford, I almost got that name when she divorced. But I digress, nothing new!

Stanford played a really really good first half. Connecticut played really bad in that half. When it ended, I looked at the Lynx staff around the table and said, "I wouldn't want to be in the room with Gino! The undefeated champion Connecticut Huskies came out to start the second half - and they never left. Stanford was left with two losses in this season, both to Connecticut.

Two great teams, the bar is still raised. History was made. It is all good for women's sports. One more piece of the Title Nine puzzle firmly in place.

Taking Care of Self

2010-04-05T21:40:00.002-05:00

Today no going to work. Sick belly-achy head! Taking space. Enjoying being in my home. Waiting for the rain to come, I can smell it! The sky is looking like it might actually rain. Clear out the dryness. Urge on the greening. Give the earth a drink. Belly better, head clearer. Imagining the rain and good dreams!

Dog Park

2010-04-03T20:15:00.002-05:00

Radar had a great time at the dog park this afternoon. He is a speedy runner. He loves the big dogs. He is most definitely NOT a water dog, he jumps over or tiptoes through water holes. He runs fast, and sniffs hard. He sniffs and sniffs. The dogs sniff each other as they do some long time ritual dance sniffing and going around in a circle. Everyone is friendly at the dog park, new puppies, old dogs, big water bowls, and boxes of plastic bags and lots of trash cans. Some people bring their lawn chairs, have a good talk as dogs run up and down and around. Good day in the dog neighborhood!

Friday

2010-04-02T21:04:00.003-05:00

Long week, lots of stretching - in heart - in mind - in temperature! Holy Week and Passover and Spring. Deep breathing and sighing and leaning into just being in the moment. The rain came for just a part of the day, more to come. Oh joy, water and warmth = green grass, flowers blooming, and the bushes and trees are beginning to bud and flower. Wonderful. Yes.

Dining Outside

2010-04-01T19:28:00.002-05:00

Today as I was walking in downtown St. Paul, I watched the transformation of the Chairs. Where there was recently blocks of ice and snow, black with winter wear, there is now freshly washed chairs and tables and waiters bustling about. The sun was hot and the smiles were huge. I had a freshly made lemonade! A long walk. Now at 8 p.m. it is 78 degrees. Hard to not talk about weather, about the parading of the outdoor bistro, and the embracing of summer fun!

Last Day of March 76 degrees?

2010-03-31T07:52:00.002-05:00

Yes, the expected high today is 76, I went to bed with windows open. It is almost 60 before 8 a.m. Everyone is outside! Minnesotans are dancing in the streets. It is the first time in over 100+ years no snow in March - that is March Madness! I am feeling sparkly and energized, my shoulders are lower, not hunched against the cold or the wondering if it will creep back. Another winter gone, a new spring. The grass is getting green! The buds are starting to form. Oh and now onto - "April is the cruelest month!"

Bread Pudding

2010-03-30T20:51:00.002-05:00

I am making Blueberry Bread Pudding as a Birthday wish! It has taken all evening. First take off crust off the brioche. Then cut in cubes. Next brown bread in oven. Then cream, half-half, vanilla beans cook to a boil. After that (while the cream infuses with the vanilla) beat eggs and sugar. Slowly whisk cream into egg mixture. Strain and soak bread in custard. Blueberries into bottom of dish, then in goes the bread and custard, bake 30+minutes. Yum. Yum. Happy Birthday love. Hope it will taste so good tomorrow evening! Bread pudding on a summer in March Birthday. Happy Birthday Terry, hope you like it as much as the very first time you tasted it!

Huge Moon

2010-03-29T21:02:00.003-05:00

What a great drive home from Madison. Sun shining, at one point as I was coming up a hill, the sky looked like a blue, blue lake and then white sky. A moment of the ocean in the midwest. It smells like spring. Now at home, the full moon is just blazing boldly. I am still appreciating how the moon beams danced on the water, and now in my memory. A great souvenir. Big moon, full heart, well rested and glad to be home.

Day 2 Retreat

2010-03-28T16:22:00.002-05:00

Every loss in life I consider as the throwing off of an old garment in order to put on a new one; and the new garment has always been better than the old.

Hazrat Inayat Khan

Day 1 Retreat

2010-03-27T21:49:00.001-05:00

God is actually born in the womb of your heart.

Taj Inayat Khan

Lake Monona

2010-03-26T19:15:00.002-05:00

The sun has set, the lake is in constant movement. I am starting a retreat with my sufi guide. This afternoon I walked with my bag to the Willy Street Coop, I first walked there 30+ years ago. Such memories, so much growing, and learning, and loving in this great town of Madison. I am tucked away on Morrison Court, a one block street, last house on the block on two sides the lake! How many days I have watched this lake. I am glad for the gift of a few days here, allowing time for my spirit, for listening, for watching the lake and all of its movement!

Feeling Good

2010-03-25T21:40:00.003-05:00

It is great when I:

wake up rested

feel the big sunshine

notice beauty around me

feel big in spirit

enjoy big laughs

remember what I accomplished,

better yet what others have.

It was one of those days, even though the wind was bitter, I could smile, laugh and know that it will pass. What a gift when one has a day where even though challenges come, demands continue I feel light! Oh how fine to see the light!

The River

2010-03-24T07:10:00.002-05:00

I tried to find a picture since I didn't take a camera (I seldom take pictures so this is not unusual) but I couldn't. Took a walk along the Mississippi River with Radar, it is a testament to nature and man! The locks are right at the point of the Stone Arch Bridge, and on the water holding side of the locks it is absolute stillness, and where the river flows it is churning and whirling and spraying and moving at great speed. Remembrances of white water rafting. People were on the bridge watching and enjoying the first days of spring - that are being so spring like for us. The Mississippi River is a wonder, I love watching this river. Eating on it. Riding along it. Someday I might even take a houseboat down it. Now there is an intention, but not in the spring when the snow has melted, the water is rising, and the movement is fierce! Oh the water.

Health Care Reform

2010-03-22T20:19:00.002-05:00

Best story from today. Remember I work in public policy, health care and human services so there are a number of policy "geeks" there - our percentage of c-span viewers is probably pretty high compared with most other work places! So Maria's four year old daughter asked, "why do they keep calling her Madame Chair?" Another, "how come they all keep saying the same thing?" Out of the mouths of babes.

Health Care Bill passed, the republicans are going to keep up the fight. Wonder how we will be able to interrupt their constant drum...can we keep our voices ringing?

HC Debate, March Madness and Farm Girl Saison

2010-03-21T14:40:00.002-05:00

Oh what a Sunday. The sun is shining, I am sweeping and sorting and tossing as the basketballs go up and down the court, and I am switching back and forth from the sport of basketball to the sport of the House of Representatives. The Health Care debate is on...it seems that Rep. Ryan from WI is the GOP point person, haven't seen Ms. Bachmann yet, but I am sure she will appear. It is already getting swarmy and tense and the actual vote is hours off. This is when you have to love being in this democracy with such arcane rules and rituals and history! So I keep flipping channels and have a great Lift Bridge Farm Girl Saison close by to honor my working class background and the strides that education and hard work was provided for me and my family. Let's get on with Health Care - I can't even begin to tell you how many decisions have been made in my based on my always present need for health care. I was diagnosed with Asthma at 6 months old in 1950. Spent countless days and evenings in the emergency room and in hospital beds as a kid, and an occasional ambulance! What would it have been like if I was able to make choices that didn't put health care first! Not that I'm complaining! I love my work in state government and policy making! and Today is Historic and as I watch the protests outside of the capitol some of it is hysterical! Stay tuned. More basketbell, more debate and more beer!

Time Space Balance

2010-03-20T14:35:00.003-05:00

Spring is here, it is official. We are at the Equinox of Spring. I have a day where there were no commitments, the intention was listen to self, notice, act. So on the way to pick up coffee beans, I noticed a sign at the semi-new massage shop on Johnson Street. I love my Johnson Street Corner, Crafty Planet, my pharmacy, Amica Restaurant, Foiled Again (hair), Audubon Coffee Shop, and now Mary's massage. As the equinox p assed I was receiving a great hot stone massage. Ahhhh, Lisa was a great therapist, and I have another appointment in two weeks. I like this being spontaneous, and a great way to herald in Spring! Goodbye winter, you may have a few good days, but your time is done for this year!

Oh So Tired!

2010-03-18T19:17:00.002-05:00

It has been a full week, legislative hearing, out of town guests, fun times out on the town. Ready for it to be the weekend. It is sleeping time for me, early and often! Oh just being home feels great.

Happy Birthday Sasha

2010-03-16T22:40:00.003-05:00

36 Years ago, Sasha was born at 5:15 p.m. CST. She was so amazingly perfect. I still absolutely remember holding this brand new baby and looking into her eyes and saying, "Hello Sasha"! What an adventure of love and life. Happy Birthday Sasha, you are such a great addition to the world, and to my life.

Ides of March

2010-03-15T20:55:00.002-05:00

Today the Minnesota Supreme Court heard arguments regarding the Governor's ability make budget decisions through "unallotment". Yeah for Legal Aid, and the six people who were affected when the Governor ended the nutrition program through unallotment. The power of the Gov's pen and how he has wielded the pen vs. interpretation of the state constitution are at the center of this suit. I am glad that a long time Legal Aid attorney was willing to call the question and stand up for the little guy and our big constitution!